Revision is a bit of a nightmare

When I picked up "Bring Me Comfort" again, I was excited by the parts of the story I still liked and pretty disgusted by the parts I didn't. No surprise there. Then I started to make notes of subplots and character changes that I thought would really benefit the story and I was even more excited. But then the reality hit me: how to incorporate these changes into my already written material?You'd think it wouldn't be that hard but it is surprisingly difficult to cut large portions of writing and insert whole new scenes and/or characters. I now have three different files open in Word - the original manuscript, the revision in process and new scenes. Hope this is the best way to organize myself. I guess I'll find out soon enough!

Tel Aviv at night

Excerpt from "Bring Me Comfort"- Chapter Two

When I got home I turned on my computer and while waiting for it to boot changed into a t-shirt and leggings. Armed with coffee I turned on the computer and went straight to the Ha’aretz website. The headlines and photos screamed the brutal news at me, and I dropped my head in my hands in despair. There had been a suicide bombing at a Seder at the Park Hotel in Netanya. Twenty-nine people had been killed and two hundred and forty wounded. The Hamas bomber, wearing a woman’s wig, had tried but failed to release lethal cyanide gas. The fact that this was the same poison used by the Nazis under the infamous name of Zyklon B was not lost on the Israeli public. The photos of the scene were graphic and extremely disturbing; Seder tables overthrown and stained with blood, body parts being collected by ZAKA, the Jewish Orthodox organization that insures that all bodies are buried with their pertinent parts, a prerequisite of Halacha, Jewish law, which states that every piece of the human body is holy. Any part that cannot be matched to a body is tested for DNA. Reading the article about the event, I was struck by the fact that this terror attack came as the culmination of a particularly bloody month for Israel, perhaps the bloodiest ever as far as civilian deaths were concerned. Eighty-one Israelis had died in almost daily attacks inside Israel and the Occupied Territories. Adding up Israeli civilians and soldiers, the March 2002 casualties numbered almost one third of all those killed during the entire Intifada. At this point, I thought, anybody could be viewed as a potential suicide bomber. My heart was heavy as I got into bed and thought of the concert the following night. It was almost a daunting thought to go somewhere where there would be so many people together in one place, but I was not going to let that stop me. Going out was such a huge part of life in Tel Aviv that it was hard to envision a situation that would keep people housebound. I didn’t think that even the current state of the country could stop us, but it was getting close.

Thursday evening at around nine-thirty I met Nurit and Yonatan outside the Barbie Club on Salamay Street near Jaffa. We were submitted to the routine body scan and bag search and then together we went inside. The concert didn’t start until ten and when we entered the stage was dark and European techno music was blasting from the speakers. We went to the bar and my stomach did a flip when I saw Ze’ev and the rest of the band standing at the far end of the counter drinking bottled water. As soon as Ze’ev saw me he came over towards us, pulled me to him and gave me a kiss on the lips. His lips were cool from the water he had been drinking and I pressed my body against his, feeling like I did not want to be parted from him ever again. As he kissed me I reached out for his hand and held it, and we did not let go of each other’s hands when we drew apart. Squeezing mine he turned to greet Nurit and Yonatan. Asher had made his way over as well and was speaking with Yonatan. He seemed to be in a particularly buoyant mood, laughing loudly at something Yonatan, looking smug, had just said.

"I have to get ready now," Ze’ev said reluctantly to me. "But I will see you after the show." His eyes held mine and no words were needed for him to convey what he was feeling. He kissed me again, leaving every nerve in my body singing.

“Come on, Asher,” he said and they left to go backstage and prepare for the concert.

Nurit smiled at me and said in her usual thoughtful way:

"He really seems to like you, Aviva."

I felt a hot flash spread through my entire body and lit up a cigarette to try to mask the excitement coursing through my veins.

I sat through the concert spellbound and did not take my eyes off Ze'ev for even a second. It was so different watching him this time. He seemed so self-assured when he sang and there was an air of contained energy about him that made me want the audience to disappear so we could be alone and I could to leap up onto the stage and take him in my arms. The concert seemed to pass much more slowly this time, but maybe that was because I was anxious for it to be over so that Ze'ev would kiss me again. On the other hand I couldn’t get enough of watching him on stage, his voice starting to become more familiar to me, his movements tantalizing my senses.

When it was finally over we went back stage and as soon we entered the dressing room Yonatan slapped Asher on the back and told him what a great job they'd done. Asher gave him a bear-hug and thanked him.

“It felt great to be out there,” he said animatedly. “The audience was awesome.”

Ze'ev was in the shower and when he came out of the bathroom wearing black jeans and a dark grey t-shirt, his hair wet, he came straight over to me and almost as if we had an unspoken prior agreement we put our arms around each other and kissed long and deep. His face was still damp from the shower and he smelled of soap. Again I had the feeling of not wanting to let go of him, ever. Everything around me ceased to exist.

When we finally drew apart we looked into each other’s eyes and he whispered: "Let's go."

We said a quick goodbye to our friends and left the club via a back door. We walked quickly through several dark side streets and soon we were heading for the sea.

When we reached the Tayelet we walked close together but did not touch, as if neither of us dared to be the first to initiate contact now that we were finally alone. The sea was very calm, the waves lapping the shore with a soft rustle of shells. Even though it was not exactly warm out I felt like my coat was smothering me. The sense of animated suspension that I felt made my scalp tingle; my senses were entirely dominated by Ze’ev’s nearness. Neither of us said anything and we both seemed intent on reaching Jaffa, a good twenty minutes walk away. When we reached the periphery of the old city, still on the Tayelet, we started to sit down on one of the benches placed there to be able to enjoy the breath-taking view of Tel Aviv. As soon as we were both sitting down we were in each other’s arms and when his lips met mine I lost myself in him, surrendering to the feelings that had been hovering on the edge of my consciousness all week. I felt like I would drown in his kiss never to recover.

Bauhaus Tel Aviv

Letter to Temple Israel Portsmouth

I will always treasure my daughter’s first Hannukah at Kochavim preschool. It was a very special moment for me and I will tell you why. Raquel had started school about a month before and the day of the Hannukah celebration I was a little late and the classroom party was already underway. Rabbi Larry was there, singing and playing his guitar, and all the children were seated in a circle around him with rapt expressions on their faces. I went and sat next to my daughter and was soon joined by my husband. As the three of us sang “Light One Candle” I was overcome by such joy that the tears streamed down my face.

Having come from an anti-Semitic country such as Spain where our synagogue was tucked away in a small side street and being Jewish what not something you ever talked about with anyone outside of the community, it was a moment that I had never even dared imagine: to celebrate such a Jewish holiday with my family, including my Catholic-raised husband, in such a perfect and yet almost ordinary setting. That was the amazing part: it was ordinary yet extremely special.

There is nothing that makes any of the holidays as relevant as our children do. Like my father said to me once, you only feel like you have done a good job instilling Jewish values in your children when these in turn pass them on to their children.

It was also a powerful moment for me because I began to feel more a part of the community, in sharing this holiday with the teachers, the parents and the children of Kochavim preschool. I had lived in NH for seven years and had never attempted to get involved with the Temple community. When I had my daughter it was the thought of a Jewish preschool that prompted me to make that first call. If that is not clear enough, let me put it this way: it is thanks to the preschool that my husband, daughter and I became a part of the community.

I looked for a Jewish preschool because I know that the first years are when lifelong values are instilled. And I know that as my child grows older it will become more and more difficult to keep those Jewish principles alive in the midst of a largely Christian society. So what better than to give her a base she can forever return to? What better than to make the Temple her comfort zone, something that surely must be a consequence of her spending three or more happy days a week there?

I am always telling my family in Europe how wonderful it is to live in a country where it is possible for us to even have a Jewish preschool. If we were still living in Spain Raquel would not be so blessed. We should not take this freedom lightly. As Jews we should know that the moments in history when Jews have been able to live openly are tenuous and should not be taken for granted. To be sure, there are not many of us in New Hampshire but by closing the preschool we can rest assured that there will be even less of us in the future. Thanks to the preschool not only our children are learning how to live a Jewish life, but thanks to Rhonda and Elian, we as parents are learning how to incorporate Jewish rituals and values into our every day family life as well. We are learning how to make the holidays more interesting for our children and some of us are finding new meaning in them, as we see them through our children’s eyes.

I cannot stress how important I think it is to provide this preschool for our community; for our young children to be nurtured in a setting as far removed from anti-Semitism as possible. Our children are our future and if we want to avoid assimilation, such a huge threat in this country, we must do everything we possibly can to keep Judaism significant in their lives.

I feel that Rhonda and Elian work so hard to create a peaceful and loving Jewish environment for our children that we as parents and Temple members should do everything we can to support them. It is clear to me that their classroom is so much more to them than just a job and they deserve to know that the Temple stands behind them all the way. I thank G-d every day for the blessing of having them in my child’s life.

Casco Bay, Maine

Time flies when you have an addiction

At least this much can be said for me: when I realize I'm addicted, I quit. When we moved to America eleven years ago I had my last cigarette at Barajas airport in Madrid (actually that's a lie, but more on that later), so entering a new phase of my life filled with plenty of stress and culture-shock without the help of nicotine. For a while now I have been fighting the feeling that I should not be spending so much time playing games on Facebook, but it was a quiet background noise in my head, easy to ignore. Until Oscar said to me last night: "You've got a problem. What happened to your writing?" It wasn't the first time he said it but this time I was ready. I deleted Yoville, Farmville and Cafe World. I mean, what was I thinking? The release and sense of liberation was immediate. I spent all afternoon playing with my beautiful daughter and now here I am, writing my blog for the first time since July 22, after having read all the copies of Writer's Digest that had been accumulating on my "to read" pile. I feel quite chuffed with myself for making a clean break.

Just to explain my earlier comment about smoking, I did quit cold turkey but I smoke like a chimney when I visit Israel or Spain. Maybe a good reason to stay put? We'll see.